Shai Chapter 10-5 –
by Mini Goat
Summary: Missing chapter and a half from Shai (Fate) where SG-1 jokes about clichés.


**_AN:_**_ This has been floating in my head long enough that I forgot some of the jokes I came up with originally but this one is funny too. References to Wormhole X-Treme! and Infinity and some unrelated works I've done because unlike the rest of that story, which is a romance, this one is just humor. _

**_AN2:_**_ If you are wondering, the title references Sam's habit of using extra big words just for the sake of doing so. Most science people don't actually say permutations, they say variables and proclivities is just a fancy word for habits._

**Shai Chapter 10.5 –**

**al-Tabadil Walmiol - Permutations and Proclivities**

"Oh come on, it was the most clichéd thing ever."

"I can think of way worse." Daniel said with a shake of his head.

"Like what."

"It could be twins." Sam told him.

"Or triplets." Daniel said which earned him a shudder from both Jack and Sam.

"You could have been sold to slavers who forced you to copulate for survival." Teal'c finally chimed in from his spot in the lounge chair, a beer in his hand.

"Is that a thing?" Daniel asked him, horrified.

"It is indeed." Teal'c told him but he had an amused expression on his face like he was yanking their chains.

"He read that in a Wormhole X-Treme! fan fiction." Sam told them from her spot on the couch curled against Jack's chest.

"Wasn't me." Jack denied.

Sam snickered. Martin had been picking Jack's brain for years but it was their dirty secret that Jack still sometimes wrote the stuff Martin wouldn't touch because it was too mushy.

"Why would it be you?" Teal'c asked.

"Er, no reason. Just popped in my head." Jack said with false innocence that earned him a speculative look from Daniel which Jack studiously ignored.

"Your dad could have caught us and forced us to get married." Jack said, with a chuckle.

"Or George." Sam agreed giggling. "In the briefing room." She added.

"No giggling Carter." Jack said nearly automatically. "Technically that would make it the debriefing room at that point." Jack said with a grin.

"Oh gross, you guys. I thought the closet on 17 was just a joke." Daniel said and took a swig of his beer. Jack in a move of solidarity was drinking a ginger ale which was why the guys were drinking his beer.

Sam blushed. "It was only a couple times."

Jack started slowly tapping out the number on her leg until she swatted at his hand, stopping him before the guys knew exactly how many times.

"Oh! I've got one!" Daniel said, breaking the heated look Jack and Sam were exchanging. "Jack could have gotten you pregnant the first time you had sex."

"And then been abducted before he knew." Teal'c added.

"Or vice versa only I just found out." Jack said with a shrug. "I'd have to kill a lot of people then." He finished and took a drink of his ginger ale.

"Oh wait! I know! Some Alteran tech could have gone hilariously wrong and you guys could have been stuck together physically." Daniel told them.

"That seems highly improbable Daniel Jackson." Teal'c told them.

"Do you suppose any alternates who lost the other, traveled to a reality where the other survived and they ended up together?

"That's a lot of permutations Daniel, but it's possible."

"A little pathetic though, doncha think?"

"You wouldn't fall in love with an alternate me if something had happened to me?" Sam looked at Jack. "I'd be ok with it you know." Sam told him and stroked his cheek gently and earned herself an ambiguous and somewhat ambivalent look.

"No one could ever replace you Sam, not even someone almost entirely like you." He told her, his heart in his eyes.

"Gross. Get a room."

"I concur with Daniel Jackson."

"Getting a room is how we ended up planning a shotgun wedding." Jack said with a grin.

"Still being gross." Daniel told him.

"When was the last time you got laid Spacemonkey?" Jack asked his best friend.

"Would you like a reminder Daniel Jackson?"

"No!" Because he _knew_ Teal'c would give him an exact date.

Jack and Sam laughed.

"I've got one. It could have been a lust drug instead of a truth one." Jack suggested.

"Would that not be the same thing for you O'Neill?"

"Wow. Rude." Jack told him but flashed Teal'c a grin.

"You could have actually gone back to that hussy Laria." Sam mentioned.

"Janet _hated_ her." Daniel supplied before chugging some beer.

"Oh really?" Sam drew the words out and looked at Daniel in extreme interest.

"Loathed I believe was the word she used."

"I believe Janet Frasier described Laria as 'that shameless home wrecking harlot' Daniel Jackson." Teal'c also took a sip of his beer and gave Sam a smug smile.

"I said I was sorry." Jack whined softly.

"How did you guys resolve that anyway? It was like someone flipped a light-switch on you Sam."

"She punchmeh." Jack mumbled.

"What was that Jack?" Daniel prompted.

"I said Sam puchmeh." He tried mumbling it again. "Ow!" Why did you pinch me Carter?!"

"I'll tell them if you don't." She said archly.

"Fine. Tell them." He huffed.

Sam sat primly on Jack's couch with a small, smug smile. "I cold cocked him and drank his beer until he apologized for not believing in me."

Daniel got up, fist bumped Sam, grinned and sat back down.

"A most agreeable solution to O'Neill's foolishness." Teal'c told her.

"Thanks a lot. You guys are supposed to be my friends." Jack said with a bit of a pout.

"Sorry Jack. You deserved that punch."

"Yah, I know." He admitted.

"Oh! I've got one!" Sam said excitedly. "Unknown aliens could have put us in a zoo then artificially inseminated me."

"That was episode 47 of WX, _It was all a dream_."

"Indeed. A most excellent episode."

"Dumb ending. I'd have made them deal with it." Jack grumbled.

"Well they had to for season five, Yolanda was pregnant." Daniel reminded them.

"Yah and I wonder where Jack got the idea ship her off to a safe facility during that time from…" Sam gave her fiancé an arch look.

"Hey, Martin was the one that shipped her off to another planet. I only put in for you to go to Area 51." Jack said defensively. "And that was mostly to get you out of my chain of command for five minutes."

"At least you talked him out of it being an alien baby." She said patting his cheek.

"Yah, well, if Monroe is going to get herself knocked up, it's going to be with her CO." Jack said with a tone of finality.

Sam snorted.

"What?"

"Territorial much?"

"If he's going to base them on us then he better get it right. I didn't appreciate him expressing his opinion of my promotion by making a cartoon with me bald and named Major Boner."

"It's Bonner sir." Sam said clearly biting back a laugh.

"We both know that's not what kids are going to call him Carter."

"Hey, did you guys hear the scuttlebutt?"

"That Yolanda Reece's offspring is the child of Nick Marlow? I have." Teal'c told him.

"I guess the sparks flying wasn't my imagination on that set." Jack mused.

"That explains his divorce the year before." Sam agreed. "Sparks huh?"

"You could blow the mountain with how obvious it was." Jack told her.

It was Daniel's turn to laugh. "Martin is really good at details Major Boner." He chortled.

"Shut up Daniel."

Teal'c chuckled. "O'Neill has a point. Martin knows O'Neill is an experienced Astronomer and not bald."

"Thank you Teal'c." Jack told him in appreciation.

"I do however like the name."

"D'oh."

Sam snickered against his chest.

Jack whispered something in Sam's ear and she blushed brightly.

"Whatever it was. I do not want to know." Daniel said emphatically.

"I concur."

"We missed one." Jack finally said.

"Oh?"

"Yup."

"Are you going to fill us in?"

"Patience Carter. We had to have sex and make a baby because…" Jack held up a finger for effect. "The kid fulfills an ancient prophesy and is magical."

"We are not naming her Elora." Sam told him.

"But-"

"No."

"Aw."


End file.
